Never give up, never give up, never give up!!!!

Ok, my first question for all you mac users... Why can't I post any pictures on here?? Or my profile picture!!!???

I'm feeling feisty.. I'm feeling restless.. I'm feeling like I will not let the circumstances/hits of life get me down. I think I'm at a point where I have realized that I cannot make it on my own. I have tried too long and too hard to make things happen on my own when there is God that will fight for you, that will lift you up, that will make things happen for you. And how do you do that??? Just trust!!!

This year nothing went my way!! I came here to South Africa thinking that I was going to get all super spiritual. You know a halo hanging over my head and angels singing all around me. Why not, I was going to be working with AIDS babies and I was going to bible college. I'm a saint, right??!! Not!
Also I thought that I would be working full-time with pay as the volunteer coordinator/nursery manager for Sinakekele children. Well as you know if you have been keeping track, that went terribly wrong!!
God took me down.

So I'm still sitting at my nice comfy flat in Westbrook. I have attempted to volunteer at other places, but transport and finances have kept me from doing pretty much anything. I tried that baby house (read previous posts), and that didn't work out.. I checked other baby houses, but the volunteers basically just sit there and hold the children. The domestic helpers do everything.

And then I tried Missions Ablaze. I enjoyed it the most. It was like an adrenaline rush everyday!!

Missions Ablaze is located very close to me here in Westbrook. They get food donated to them and then they go to the streets and feed the poor. The places that I would go to with the feedings were in Durban and the majority of the people that they fed there are big scary men. I have not doubt that I have looked in the eyes of many criminals.

This is how my day would go...

I would wait at a traffic circle and then the Missions Ablaze bakkie (truck for all you North Americans) would fetch me and I would go to three different locations and help pass out bread and pour soup. The workers with Missions Ablaze would ask me to say the blessing, but I got too intimidated. There would be quite a bit of eyes on me and it was scary!! But that is something that I will get over. God did not give me the spirit of timidity, but of power, of love and of self-discipline.
So the guys will queue up and the very few ladies that would come will queue up separately, and yes they got to go first. They come and get their loaf of bread and their soup. You see they don't have bowls for soup so what most of them do is find a 2 litre pop/fizzy drink bottle and cut it in half and use that as their bowl.
Missions Ablaze feed from Monday to Friday's. So Monday's the boys are very hungry and can be quite hard to tame.
This last Monday this one guy wanted seconds, but there wasn't enough to give so he decides to "curse" and give choice words to the guy that is ahead of the operation that day and then I had some words to say to him and then we all started arguing. He still didn't get his food so he went to the nearest garbage bin and had a little fit and started throwing the rubbish out of it. I found it quite humorous.
The last stop is Point Place. It's well known for prostitution and drugs. When we drove up to the spot where we give the food, there were more people than food. The old man (guy in charge) was trying to get the guys to queue up and they weren't so he told them if they are not going to queue up then they won't get fed. Most were listening, but some weren't. So old man jumped in the bakkie and took off. I was in the back of the bakkie and the hungry men were grabbing at the bread and I was praying the whole time!! So we parked around the corner and organized everything and then attempted to feed them again. This time they were queued up.
Everything was going well and then they realized that the food was getting low. Before I go on, a guy with Down syndrome came and he was trying to help with the queue. Okay... So the food was getting low and the guys saw this and they started mobbing the bakkie so old man hopped into the bakkie and took off again leaving the guy with Down syndrome behind with the mob!!
Three guys hopped in the back of the bakkie with me. One of them already had a loaf and the other two didn't get any. So the one guy with the bread was trying to get the two loaves that was left. I gave them to the other guys and he tried to take if from them. Some of these guys will get extra bread and then sell it on the streets. Crazy! So after we got the guys off we sorted the crates and went back to get the guy with Downs. He came running and gave old man a HUGE hug and then gave me a huge hug. Poor guy!! He was so startled and scared!!!

So I attempted Missions Ablaze, but it's not working out. I love it, but transport is a problem. And I will only be able to volunteer 2 more weeks because I will be going to a camp in Joburg Dec. 7th for a week and then after that my family comes (JOY JOY!!!) and then I will hopefully be moving near or in Umhlanga. It's closer to the college and the church. Also it is near shops, so if I need groceries I can go whenever I want. There is nothing in Westbrook. The closest thing is Ballito. It's about a 5 min. drive. It will be soo nice to be near everything and people!!

I know some of you will be upset with me, but I was waiting for my ride with Missions Ablaze one day and they didn't pitch. I didn't feel like going back to Westbrook because it can get sooo boring. I have no reception for my tv. or the radio, and I don't have a dvd player, so instead of coming back home, I decided to walk to Umhlanga. It would have taken me about 5 hours. It was funny cause I sms'd/txt my "good" friend Rudi and told him I was walking there and he called me back and said not get get murdered, or something like that. It's good to know that I have friends that think and have a weird sense of humour like me!! If it was anybody else they would say I'm bloody mad!! hehehe...

I walked for about 2 hours until someone picked me up. The first guy rolled down his window a wee bit and asked if I needed a lift and I asked him how I know I could trust him and he told me that he was in the company car and just to get in. So I did. Didn't take too much to convince me;o) Nice man he was. He dropped me off and the guy that was behind him when I got picked up picked me up. He followed him. He said I shouldn't be doing what I was doing. Too dangerous. But I was getting cabin fever!! And I'm alive and safe... So no worries, right!!??

But you know I haven't felt that free in such a looonggg time!!! Just being able to get out and not having to depend on someone else and just going with the flow was amazing!!! You know that feeling when you go up into the mountains, or when you're in the middle of the woods and you just stop, close your eyes and you smell that fresh cool air?? Or that feeling and smell of spring after a long winter? That's what I felt like. Like I could do anything. Like nothing could stop me. Rejuvenated...

I have been wrestling with the thought of coming back to Canada for a year next year. I will have financial freedom, physical freedom (in the sense of getting to places), freedom to do what I want. Makes sense, right? Well I've decided I'm not normal and I will fight to stay here. A friend told me when she came here (she's from France or Reunion?? It's french anyways) that she did not want to stay here, but she said that her spirit was excited to be here. She stayed and she has no regrets. That's exactly where I am. I have come alive here and I don't want to risk what I have learned by coming back there where things seem stagnate in the Spirit. I still have so much to learn, so much to do!! My spirit is alive once again.

The favourite quote of my pastor here is "Never give up, Never give up, Never give up"...Sir Winston Churchill.